Several years ago, when our oldest was in fifth grade, I had an important homeschooling mom moment. She had just started a new math curriculum a few months before, and it was not going well. Every day was a struggle, and my patience was running thin. 

As I sat at the table nursing the baby and watching her work on her daily lesson, I felt discouraged. I knew my daughter loved math and was good at it. She had excelled in math when she attended school, and the previous two years of homeschooling had gone well. Was this just a phase? Maybe we just needed to give it more time. 

And then she said something that quickly settled the issue for me. “Ugh,” she moaned. “I’m just so bad at math. I can’t stand math.”

I think I scooped the book up right then and there and put it in the “not in use” pile. I suddenly realized something that should have been obvious: It didn’t have to be this way. In fact, it couldn’t be this way. This was the polar opposite of what I wanted to achieve in our homeschool. 

The Joy of Freedom

One of the things we love most about homeschooling is freedom. If a curriculum isn’t working, you can change it. If your child is struggling in a subject, you can hold off on moving forward until he or she has achieved mastery. If you, the parent, are feeling stuck, you can change your approach. 

Homeschooling has given me a new appreciation for the role freedom plays in the process of learning. In a brick-and-mortar school, you don’t have much say in that process. Your child doesn’t, either. Homeschooling allows parents and children to perfect that process. But it doesn’t happen overnight. 

The experience I described above was a light-bulb moment for me. I didn’t have to be tied to this particular curriculum just because it was what was written down in the manual. My daughter didn’t have to suffer through math every day. I could change the course, and in doing so, change her relationship with what she was studying. 

I’ve realized through the years that I don’t love homeschooling because it gives us the freedom to travel, or change curricula, or even get to know each child’s learning style. All those things are good and important, but ultimately they’re not the goal of education. 

I love homeschooling because it has given our children (and me) the freedom to take delight in their studies – to develop a love for learning about the world we find ourselves in.

Free to Take Delight

What prompted me to think and write about that “aha” moment so many years ago was something that happened more recently. The same daughter is now a junior in high school and just started studying chemistry this year. Chemistry was one of the subjects I couldn’t stand in high school, so I’ve been happily surprised that she loves it. 

In fact, just last week, she came into our room at 9pm, giddy over chemistry (no, I am not exaggerating). “I just finished my chemistry module!” she proudly reported. “I just love chemistry! It’s such a delight!” 

My husband and I laughed pretty hard at that, and she did, too. We teased her a little, but of course we were pretty thrilled that our 16-year-old found chemistry so pleasant. 

Her use of the word “delight” is what struck me. The word “delight” comes from the Latin word delectare, which means “to allure, entice, charm.” How many kids these days (or ever) would say their education is enticing? Charming? Alluring? 

But that’s the whole point of education: To entice the human heart and mind with good, beautiful things that draw us out of the banal and superficial.

7 Ways to Foster Delight

When my kids look back on this time, I don’t really care how many facts they remember. But I do hope they remember these years as being filled with delight. 

And yet that can seem like such an impossible task. You can’t make your kids love school. It’s definitely not all sunshine and roses over here. There are days I feel a sense of dread that threatens to snatch away any smidge of delight.

And it’s not always as simple as finding the right curriculum, either. You can have the most amazing curriculum ever written, but if your child’s heart isn’t in the right place, it doesn’t really matter.

Here are seven practices we have found foster delight in our homeschool:

1. Lean into your kids’ interests. If you notice your child seems inspired or extra enthusiastic about a certain topic, let them go down that rabbit hole and explore. For example, our son, who loves horseback riding, has been enjoying this Charlotte Mason-inspired curriculum about horses, even though it wasn’t in my original plan for this year. Finding ways to integrate your child’s interests into their school plans will make the days more enjoyable for them.

2. Teach through stories. The well-loved educator Charlotte Mason once said:

Children should have the joy of living in far lands, in other persons, at other times — a delightful double existence; and this joy they will find, for the most part, in their storybooks.

Human beings are the story-telling creatures. We learn by hearing and recounting stories. Whenever possible, integrate stories into your child’s learning. This can be accomplished through books, great films, or just telling stories yourself.

3. Keep complaining in check. Like all good things, learning is challenging. Sometimes, kids get discouraged, and to a certain extent, that’s part of the process. But it’s so easy to make complaining a habit. Complaining leads to dread, and nothing kills delight and cheerfulness like dread. Don’t allow negativity to get the upper hand. Stay tuned for a more in-depth post on complaining and how to prevent it from sabotaging your school days.

4. Step back from the books and look at reality. Book learning is great, but it’s also nice to step back from the books every now and then and use your brain in a different way. We play a lot of board games and try to get outside frequently during the school day to get a break from the intensity of reading and written work. Field trips and hands-on learning tools are also great ways to teach kids to think outside the box.

5. Encourage independence and self-regulation. I used to be a stickler about schedules and routines, but as our kids have gotten older, I have tried to step back and let them develop their own systems and work habits. Middle and high school, in particular, are great times to encourage your kids to work and plan independently. We do this by involving our older kids in the lesson plans, as well as household chores and meal planning. (The upshot of this is that once they get the hang of it, it’s less work for me!)

6. Foster a sense of family community, identity, and accountability. Kids need to be grounded in a bigger picture, something beyond themselves. This gives them a sense of security that is crucial for allowing them to truly make their studies their own. Our family assemblies play a big part in this because they give us a chance to touch base with the kids on a regular basis and learn what they are struggling with or excited about in school and other areas.

7. Fall in love with learning – (yes, you!)Through the years, I’ve learned I don’t have to have all the answers. I know I don’t, and my kids know it, too. I would much rather be a living example of the kind of learning I want to see in my kids. This means a lot of reading together, going on adventures, and trying new things. Your example will show your kids that learning is a source of wonder and delight, as opposed to stress and frustration. Some days, you might have to fake it a little, but better to pass on delight and positivity than to transfer the all-too-contagious dread and stress.

Love Can Lead the Way

My daughter has developed a great love for math since that day six years ago. We found a curriculum we love and still use. When she went back to school for her ninth grade year, she had an amazing math teacher she still talks about all the time, and she even went on to win the math department award for her grade that year. This year, she’s enjoying math so much that she’s trying to finish her pre-calculus program early so she can move onto calculus.

I often wish I could go back in time and show my six-years-younger self.

This kind of story is just one example of why I like to think of learning as love-led rather than parent- or child-led. It’s also why the home can be a classroom where learning flourishes – because the home is the place where children should feel most secure and loved. 

When I first started homeschooling, I’ll admit that this all would have sounded like a pipe dream. But I am more convinced each year that it’s possible – and even necessary – to achieve an education that is, most fundamentally, rooted in love.