Choosing the right school for your child can be a daunting task.  The stakes are high: If you choose a private school, this will likely be the most expensive investment you will ever make, after a house.  Of even greater importance, the school you choose will have a deep and formative influence on your child’s life – for better or for worse.  As a teacher and founding head of three schools, I have seen the joy and growth that come with a great education, and I’ve also seen how tricky it can be when a child is placed in a school that is an ill fit. 

It’s tempting to think of a school like a business.  You pay them tuition and in return, they train your child, preparing them for the next level of education and, eventually, a job.  But, whether we like it or not, a school is not merely a business, and its influence over your child will not simply be educational or career readiness.

A child will spend more quality waking hours at school than with you.  While we should care about the training a child will receive (i.e., reading, writing, mathematical computation, laboratory experience), the truth is that school will not simply give a child skills but also a perspective on life (whether intentional or unintentional).  In other words, whether intended or not, a school is always informing a child’s “why” beneath the training of “how” they are providing.  As the saying goes, “We become what we behold!” 

It is convenient to reduce a school to its chosen brands and/or model label: private, charter, public, classical, STEM, Montessori. The brand that a school adopts tells you something about the school, but the reality is much more than a model or brand.  It’s important to look at a school’s book list and curricular tracks, but a school is more than a curriculum facilitator as well.  A school is a community of persons.  In other words, it is the community and culture of the school that will decide what sort of influence it will have over your child. 

Ultimately, the best way to understand whether a school is the right fit is to evaluate it as a community of persons, which has adopted a common underlying philosophy, pedagogy, and curriculum. It’s perfectly possible for the wrong people with the wrong philosophical presuppositions to use an amazing curriculum and an excellent pedagogy.  I suspect this is the worst sort of school setting.

If basing your decision on an educational brand or model and even a booklist is insufficient, how can parents evaluate a prospective school? Here are a few suggestions.

1. Visit the school

During the years I worked as a founding school leader of three different schools in two different states, I was always a little surprised by how few parents visit school to see the day in person. By visiting the school, I do not mean taking a look at the facilities or attending an open house. As a school leader I hosted many tours after hours and had one or more open house events annually, but this simply does not provide a parent with an accurate sense of a school. 

What I recommend is that you personally visit the school during the school day and visit classes.  Of course it is inconvenient.  You have work, and life is busy.  But let me ask you this: Would you buy a $30,000 car without ever seeing it or taking it for a test drive? Why wouldn’t you visit the school that you will be investing more in financially and is of infinitely more significance as it provides a formation for your child?

If the school resists you visiting, you should ask yourself, “Why?” What does this suggest about the school’s attitude towards parents? 

While it’s great to see classrooms, it’s also important to be able to carefully observe the times before, between, and after classes. Here’s a list of things to look for outside of the classrooms:

• Do you see children playing? 
• How do students treat each other? 
• Is there a spirit of love and friendship at the school that reflects what you seek to foster at home? 
• How do faculty and school staff interact with students? 
• Is there a clarity of routine or a sense of confusion?

Ask to visit 2-3 classrooms.  During the classes consider the following questions: 

• What is the tone or feel of the classroom?  A great teacher will be joyful and loving while simultaneously challenging the students to grow and learn.  An excellent teacher is able to balance leading the classroom generally with addressing the needs of individual students. 
• How clear are the teacher’s instructions? 
• Has she established meaningful routines? 
• Do students all have the same things in front of them? 
• Does the teacher teach primarily by telling or by asking? 
• What is the students’ posture like?  Are they alert and engaged? 
• How many students are participating (both passively and actively)?

2. Speak to school community members

Teachers:  If at all possible, when you visit a the school, take the opportunity to speak to a couple of teachers.  Ask yourself: “Is this the sort of man or woman I want my child to become?”  As St. Augustine once pointed out, “The first subject students learn is the teacher. Teachers offer themselves for imitation. This is the essence of what people call teaching.” (De musica 1,6)  

Ask teachers what they love about the school.  Ask them what they think the biggest challenge for the school is.  Ask them how much support they receive from the school leadership and how often they get observed and coached. Ask them what they understand to be the unique mission of their school.

Parents:  Taking the time to hear from parents about their experience at the school can be telling.  There will often be parents that the school is excited to connect you with.  It is great to hear from these parents, but keep in mind that these folks will generally be the school’s greatest cheerleaders and may not represent the general parent experience.  On the other hand, you should not be alarmed if you do some Facebook snooping and find some upset or even unpleasant posts or complaints about the school.  It’s rare that a school does not have a loud minority of hard-to-please parents.  Ideally, you should seek middle-of- the road parents who can speak to the general parent experience at the school.

School leadership:  Speaking to the school leadership is important.  The school leader is the one who hires faculty and, in a high-performing school, regularly visits and coaches teachers.  They give voice to the mission and vision of the school that should be a rallying point for the entire school community.  There are a number of good lines of inquiry to pursue when speaking to school leadership:  What is their own educational background and why did they get into education?  What is their experience as a teacher?  What is their vision for the school?  What sort of support do they offer teachers?  What do they look for in a teacher they would like to hire? 

Keep in mind, there’s quite a bit of jargon at play in schools.  Whether a school is Waldorf, STEM, or classical, there is a vocabulary that tends to come along with these different educational approaches.  Do not be afraid to question the jargon and request that the school leader explain what they mean by certain terms or phrases. Beyond the jargon, can they explain what is going on?

3. Speak to your child

The school choice is ultimately your responsibility as the parent. Over the last decade I have noticed an increased trend of schools and parents treating the child as if they were the “customer” that needed to be marketed to. While the decision is ultimately yours, it is important that you understand what your child’s perspective is and what they are hoping for.  Your child does not always know what is best for them – that’s your job! – but their receptivity and openness will be important, and the best way to secure this is through conversation and cultivating a shared understanding.

4. Consider the logistics

Traditionally there are certain expenses that parents have been trained to feel a certain level of guilt questioning. It just so happens that these tend to be some of the largest expenses we will face: weddings, births, funerals, and education. It seems wrong to obsess too much about the price tag associated with these major life events because they have to do with the love and care for our loved ones. But we need to understand that the industry that has built up around these various life events leverages this goodwill. 

When it comes to schools, it’s not good for the child if their parent takes on an unreasonable financial burden for their education.  If a school is not financially feasible for your family, it’s not the right school.  However, you should understand that the sticker price tuition of a school is rarely the amount most parents are paying. You should ask for financial assistance and not be shy about requesting the help you need. Many schools will be incentivized to help you out.  In fact, as long as a school has open seats, there is no overhead to a school in filling those seats. The school will not have a salary or facility cost increase if they go from 19 students in a classroom to 20. For this reason, any tuition you pay helps them. Of course, a school may need to refuse an unreasonable tuition assistance request because of the precedent it sets. 

Also, it is important to keep the school commute in mind. I have known parents who were willing to travel over an hour to send their child to a particular school. While this may work for some families, the burden it places on others may not be sustainable. I used to make a 40-minute commute to the school where I worked with my first grade daughter in tow.  Even though I had to make the drive anyway, I realized one day when I looked up from the gridlocked traffic and saw her sleeping in that broken-neck pose only healthily achieved by young children that the daily wear and tear of the trip was too great a demand on her.

In Conclusion

Enrolling a child in a school is an important and exciting process.  Ultimately the school needs to be the right fit for your family. Of course, this is true on the level of time, commute logistics, and financial investment. But it is most important that the school be a meaningful fit for your family culture.  It is hurtful for a child when the school world and your family world are at odds with one another.  This makes it incredibly tempting for them to adopt different personas at school and at home. Kids begin to believe that life is nothing more than a game to hack. 

A last piece of advice: At the end of the day, no school is the right fit for every child and every family.  Anyone who suggests otherwise is attempting to sell you something.