The 2020 COVID-19 pandemic was both an awful time and an incredible blessing for our family.  Facing the prospect of spending an unknown number of months with seven people in the same house, we had a choice:  We could grit our teeth and try to survive, or we could get creative.  

The truth is, there are an infinite number of possibilities in each moment and place of our lives.  The question facing us at that time was, “What creative possibilities are waiting to be discovered in this unexpected twist of life?”  We don’t always choose our circumstances, but we do choose what the story will be. 

Family Assemblies: A Silver Lining

One of the best things about this time was that we started having weekly family  assemblies, complete with a Power Point presentation.  With all the sudden changes and cancellations resulting from the pandemic, we felt the need to structure our family life in an intentional way.

And so, each Sunday afternoon, we spent as many as two or three hours in a family council.  We would talk about family chores, crazy competitions that we were going to have that week, physical training, different cooking ideas, how each of us was doing, strengths and weaknesses we felt we had experienced that week.

 In the end, this time became an incredible force for good. Since then, these assemblies have become a staple of our family life. They bring us together on a regular basis to communicate openly about our struggles and goals, as well as to laugh and enjoy each other’s company. Through the years, we’ve noticed these five benefits of family assemblies:

1. Open Dialogue

Sometimes the risk with family is that we assume we all know what everyone else is thinking – but we don’t.  Having assemblies gives us the chance to touch base regularly and express ourselves openly.

A few weeks ago the kids and I were driving back from a fishing trip and our son asked, “Are we having a family assembly tomorrow?  It’s just good to know where your family is and what they are thinking.”  We’ve found our children like to know where everyone is at and to get feedback.  We are blessed with a tight-knit crew of kids, and our assemblies have been a big factor in this.

2. Clarity of Vision

A lot of people think that family is simply a group of individuals who live under the same roof.  We follow a different approach.  While we want every individual person in the family to grow and flourish, we believe that this can only happen within the larger context of a family tribe. 

We are tribal animals.  Our sense of self is deeply formed by our relationships with each other, and our identity is rooted in community and culture.  Who are we?  What are we meant to do together?  What is most important to us?  Having family conversations about these questions is life-giving. 

From a parent’s perspective, having a vision is what gives parents authentic authority. We’ve learned so much about how to form that vision by staying in dialogue with our kids and each other.

3. Coaching Opportunity

Our assemblies have always included a coaching facet.  Sometimes we each review our strengths and weaknesses from the previous week.  Other times we have had an analogous discussion about the family as a whole or some particular area that the family is working on.

Obviously, coaching in a larger group needs to be generous, honest, humble, and authentic.  Each person in the family needs to be given the benefit of the doubt.  We are all life athletes, trying to make something beautiful of our shared lives together.  It has been extraordinarily healthy for us to be able to celebrate the good, to embrace the vulnerable, and challenge the deficient together. 

Doing this in the context of family conversation has trained all of us to be open-hearted, humble, and direct in our conversations.  After all, our goal is to have clear eyes and open hearts.

4. Fun

Everyone in the family looks forward to these gatherings.  We usually have some kind of treat or celebratory beverage during the conversation. 

While coaching and feedback are certainly central to our assemblies, we’re also sure to discuss enjoyable topics.  We might brainstorm where we want to go on vacation, plan the logistics surrounding an upcoming fishing trip, or discuss a new culinary theme we want to bring to our family dinners. 

These assemblies are an open canvas for you to bring all of the beautiful and exciting things you do together as a family.  Remember: words have a prophetic power!  Speak to the good.

5. Accountability

Perhaps this is the greatest benefit of all. In preparing for your meeting each week, you as a parent are forced to reflect on your family.  Instead of all the other things that might pull your attention away, you’re taking time to be intentional about your family community – and this holds you, the parent, accountable for thinking about what is actually most important.

Tips for Getting Started

If you’ve never had a family assembly before, it’s never too late to start. We find that assemblies are a great way to reorganize after big life events like a move or baby being born, or other times when you need a little boost in your family morale. What’s most important is that everyone is on board and positive.

That said, it can be hard to know where to start, so here are some tips:

Have a Plan

It’s important that everyone in the conversation feels confident that there is a plan.  The discussion needs to be structured, and there should be a clear beginning, middle, and end.  Here is a rough outline of a typical family assembly for us:

1. We review our family mission
2. We discuss where we are with our family mission
3. Discuss any changes, announcements, and plans
4. Review upcoming events we are excited about
5. End with an expression of what we are grateful for this week

Have a Visual Display

It may sound corny, but I make a full slide show for most of our assemblies, complete with beautiful pictures and thought-through text.  We have also regularly used a whiteboard when we are brainstorming or working through something together.

While a Power Point may seem over-the-top or suspiciously corporate, having slides has allowed me to visibly demonstrate that there is a plan, as well as to provide visuals for what we are trying to envision together.  It’s a bit of work, so it may not be for everyone, but I can say that our assemblies would not be the same without the visual display.

Be Unpredictable

While it’s important to have a meeting rhythm, it’s also important not to be boring.  Slip in the unexpected.  We’ve held unanticipated crazy competitions, workshopped new skills (from fire-starting to crabbing), and had surprise dance parties.  Keep it real, keep it fun.

Be Consistent

You probably won’t see the benefits of having a family assembly early on.  In the beginning it might even be weird or awkward.  But over time (and with enough fun) your efforts will be rewarded. 

It’s important that it become a natural part of your family’s rhythm, and this means that you need to be consistent.  I suppose there may be some folks who have success with an occasional family powwow, but I know our kids love the regularity of our assemblies. It helps to pick a day of the week and keep it regular. We like Sunday evenings because it gives us a good start to the week ahead.

Take Breaks As Needed

If a week, month, or even longer goes by without an assembly, that’s okay.  We’ve had gaps (sometimes large ones), especially during periods of transition. While I think it would have been great to have meetings during these times, it just wasn’t in the cards for us.  The key is to start them up again!

In Conclusion

A final note – our assemblies have changed a lot just over the last four years as our kids have gotten older. And when our kids were very young, we didn’t have assemblies. During our first year of assemblies our kids were ages 11, 9, 6, 3, and 1.5. As they’ve gotten older, we’ve changed the format and content to accommodate a range of ages.

Taking the time to listen to each other each week has deepened our family dialogues and shared understanding.  We’ve made great memories and have seen firsthand the security and confidence our kids have gained from making regular meetings a priority. That makes all the work and preparation well worth the effort.

We’d love to hear from anyone else who does something similar, so please share any thoughts or ideas in the comments below!